Dear Lilly,
Today was your 100th day of Kindergarten. I know, your probably wondering why I chose to start this blog on your 100th day and not your first, well I'd like to think that I have a better insight into who you are today then I did 100 days ago.
As I watched you last night counting out 100 pennies and putting them into ten baggies I started thinking about how you've changed from the child you were in preschool to the little kid you are today. You might be wondering if there is a difference, since society uses these two words interchangeably. Let me explain:
When you were a "CHILD" in preschool, your day was the same. You pretty much woke up when you wanted to, got dressed, brushed your teeth and then I would sit down with you and we'd have breakfast. Then I would drive you to school, help you out of the car and walk you to the door, handing you off to someone I would great by name, someone I would often see at the grocery store, the beach or the bank.
As a little "KID" in Kindergarten I have to make sure you are up, dressed and feed by 8am, no later. I then walk you to the bus stop where I watch you climb on board. I wave to the driver and say hello to the monitor, I have to trust that this perfect stranger will get you safely to school. He will not help you off the bus, nor will he walk you to the door and see you inside, this is all up to you to know what you have to do. Since you come home everyday I can only assume that you have mastered this part of your day.
As a "CHILD" when Mimi picked you up from school you would go to her house, have lunch that she prepared, sat with her, maybe James and watched your favorite shows while you ate.
As a "KID" you choose what you want for lunch. Hot or cold, I have to admit, I enjoy making your lunch and i'm kind of sad on the days you ask to be hot lunch. I then have to trust that you get your lunch, get to the cafeteria, sit and eat. I don't know who you choose to sit with, what you talk about or share with these friends. Since you continue to grow, I also assume that you have mastered this task with ease and have taken yet another step away from me and closer to the independant young women you will someday become.
As a "CHILD" you would love to nap in the middle of the day. It was your favorite part of the day, curling up with a movie or alone in your room and drifting off into a sound sleep for hours at a time.
As a "KID" your day is filled with exciting things to do. School takes up most of the day but then you have dance class once a week and so many art projects that you so passionately need to get out of your busy head and onto paper. You do still love movies, but if given the choice, you'd rather be playing or drawing.
As a "CHILD" I was all you needed to feel better, I was your world, no questions asked. If you fell, I put the band aid on the boo boo, if you cried I wiped the tears, if you were hungry I fed you, if you were thirsty I gave you water.
As a "KID" you have your own world. I can no longer protect you. You choose who to play with, who sit with at lunch and who to call friend. I helplessly sit by and watch as your little feelings sometimes get hurt or you feel sad. I want so desperately to take all your pain away in these moments but I realize that I no longer have the honor of being the sole person you put your trust in.
I guess my point mainly that as a child, your world consisted of what I made it. As a kid you are beginning to make your world your life and I have to give up some control over everyday decisions. Luckily, you are five, and those daily decisions maily revolve around what you wear and letting you do your own hair, even if it means letting you get away without brushing it out completely. Still, I can't help but look down the road at the next five years when the control I have relenquish to you revoloves around much more important descions, like boys, bedtime, hair styles, clothing styles and letting you become the person you want to be, not who I think you should be. As you strugle with these choices please be patient with me, for I too am struggling with letting you go, but know this, I promise you that although I will not always say the right thing, act the right way or let you do everything you want to , that I love you, I only want what makes you happy, even if I have to sit idle and quietly stew with anger and frustration. Know too that I will think the world of you, no matter the choices you make.
For now I leave you with this, be you, be strong and be a KID as long as you can, for your sake and mine.
