How do we go on???

Tonight, after hugging and kissing my children 1000 times and tucking them into bed, I poured myself a second glass of wine in an attempt to drown out the events of the last four days.  It finally hit me, WAR.  This country is at war with itself.  Webster defines war as:  a state of hostility, conflict, or antagonism.  We are in a constant state of hostility and conflict and like all wars there are innocent victims.  As a country, we cannot agree on anything, guns, religion, mental heath.  We are living in a world where someone cries "offense" and we take away things like 40 year murals, christmas trees and father daughter dances.  Well, I can think of about 14 dads who are thanking thier lucky stars that Sandy Hook Elementary didn't outlaw those dances last year. 

I've avoided the news since Friday to avoid knowing anything about this mad man who decided to take 27 innocent victims away from thier friends and families.  Today I could not shelter myself or my children from the horror that occured only miles from our home as we went about our usual day.  I spent most of the day silently mourning and crying at my desk, looking at pictures of my own children only brought on more tears thinking that if they didn't come home today what would I do??  Everything made me feel guilty, kissing my children when there are 20 mothers who will never get to kiss thier children again.  Yelling at them to hurray up so we don't miss the bus, tellling them no to ice cream for breaksfast and thinking what if this were thier last breakfast??? 

How do we go on? How do we get things back to normal?  Will we ever wake up and not think "is today the last day i'll see my children?" I hate feeling this way.  It's not fair to me or my children.  My heart goes out to those families, those mothers, those little angels. 

As the days go on and we as a country continue to debate gun control, mental illness and safety in our schools lets remember the heros lost in this war, the teachers and administrators who gave thier lives in an attempt to save a child.  Let's try to remember that none of the debates will bring back any of those lost or prevent this from happening in the future.  Let's hug our children, our parents, siblings and friends and not let a day go by without saying I love you to someone who holds our heart. 

This WAR will not end, we may never find a common ground on these issues but we can help our youth open thier minds and thier hearts and teach them to accept those who may be different, special, those who may just need a friend to sit with at lunch or just to talk to when they feel like thier world may be falling apart.  We've all been there, we've all had that moment when we think no one has ever felt this way or thought about things this way.  The answers may never be found, we may never be able to answer "why" but if we teach our children to be accepting of all people, no matter what thier beliefs may be, if they have to bring thier mom to the "father/daughter dace" or they believe in Jesus and decorate a christmas tree, maybe we can find happiness again.

My only hope is that Lilly and James are not only happy and healthy but that they don't conform to what other people tell them to be, that they continue to believe in a better world, and that they don't let somone dictate to them how they should live or feel. 

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